We've been sitting in silence today.

I couldn't really leave my house
I was afraid of what it might mean
If I got your call
And wasn't in the safety of my home
Near sage, near ****, near crystals
Near wine.

The silence feels deafening but somewhat necessary.

I'm not sure where your head is at
You had this look of lightness in your eyes before you walked out
Like you better understood me, this.
I hope that stays.

You at first
Were so perplexed that I don't need or have to have
The kind of future with you
That you think I'm supposed to want
You kept saying things like
I'm not the one for you
You deserve so much
I don't want to lose you

I felt like a snake in moments
Tripping and hissing and slithering around
Today I just felt so tired
So tired and battling my own sense of inner peace.

The silence continues
And though all I want is for the silence to end
I feel the same way about it that I do us
I've put up the fight that I could.

You peeked and looked at me one last little time before you went
You reassured me it was going to be okay
Watching you leave.

At one point you said to me
Standing at the other end of my apartment
Like we have a couple times before
You said
After looking down for a long, long time
"Trying to find the words.."

And I said
Sometimes there are none.

It's been a real trip with you Alex
You haven't made any of this easy
But nonetheless
It brought me great joy
To love you in moments
To let you love me in moments.

All I wanted was to experience pleasure
So jump in
If you can swim.