According to a quick google search,
It takes the average adult 7 full minutes to die by suffocation,
Meaning that in under ten minutes,
I could just lay on my bed and die.

Part of me wants to.
A big part of me wants to,
Whether or not I get called a quitter,
Or called sick, grotesque names
Or have a memorial service at the school.

Everyone would forget me after the obligatory memorial anyways,
I remind myself.
One assembly and my story would be gone.
One assembly and my face will never again see the light-
I wouldn’t regret it.
Just like how I only regret trying whenever I get caught.
Reminding myself that it’s best to do when no one will look for you for a few hours.

According to a quick bit of math,
From the time I wrap whatever I find around my neck and suffocate myself,
To exactly the moment I die seven minutes later,
Almost eleven people will have died.
One will be in the process as well.

I just want to be one of the ones every forty seconds,
I want to be free.
I just want to be free.
I don’t want to feel,
I don’t want to touch,
I don’t want anything much.

I want darkness.
A void.
The feeling of never waking up.

I already feel the void in my gut,
What is the difference that in seven minutes I will feel it everywhere?

It only takes seven minutes to suffocate physically,
But it only takes an instantaneous second to feel suffocated with anger in my own chest.
It bubbles and settles in the dark pit of my stomach,
A feeling I can only actually get rid of if I slit open my thighs on repeat.
The same action on repeat.
Repeat.

It only takes seven minutes to suffocate physically,
But it only takes an instantaneous second to feel suffocated with pain in my own chest.
A feeling I can only get rid of if I slit open my wrists on repeat.
The same action on repeat.
Repeat.

According to a quick google search,
It takes the average adult 7 full minutes to die by suffocation,
Meaning that by the time my mom got home,
I could’ve died at least 30 times over.
I’ll have to sit down and try it tonight,
I’ll have to strangle myself out tonight.

No one will actually care.