A day can start of great, ill be feeling good and have a positive outlook on the day, however i know it wont last. In the back of my mind i worry about another attack...
When will it happen? I hope it doesn't happen today. I just want to be worry free for a change. Will I be able to fight it this time? Will it be a short one or one of my severe ones...
Thousands of thoughts,feelings,scenarios, past present and future events buzz around my mind all day and all night. Its like can never find peace from myself. The world is not my problem, its the anxiety and depression i live with. Making me feel weak, vulnerable, nervous,anxious, alert, high strung, stressed, irritable.... but i try and keep positive and talk myself through.
I saw a video the other day, it was a woman who was describing how anxiety feels, and she was very on point with her descriptions.
I have tried many times to figure out a way to explain what anxiety feels like, but sometimes the descriptions are not as clear.
The woman described the mind being like a highway with nothing but ramps that merge onto the highway, and no off ramps. This is exactly how the mind feels, a cluster of never ending thoughts coming in. You know when someone jumps out and scares you? Imagine feeling that uneasy feeling all day long for no reason. Imagine dreading to start your day because you are afraid of what it has in store for you. Imagine wanting to enjoy going out with friends or your lover but you end up not wanting to go or canceling because just the thought of being out around so many people makes you nervous and uncomfortable.Imagine not being able to ever escape the past. Imagine thinking about never ending "What If's?"  Imagine obsessing over past events and events or scenarios that have never even happened. Imagine over mistakes. Imagine going about your day while feeling uneasy and paranoid. Imagine feeling a constant weight on your chest as if an elephant was crushing you.
Imagine feeling afraid that you will never get better. Imagine hearing voices in your head telling you your not strong enough, you are worthless, you are not going to win, you are not going to get better, you cant get though it, everyone hates you, nobody likes you, you ruin everything! You are nothing......
Imagine feeling mentally, physically and emotionally drained all the time. Imagine feeling like just ending it would be easier for you and the ones around you. Imagine always feeling like a burden.
If you have a loved one of know someone with anxiety or depression please be kind. We are trying our best to help ourselves and help our conditions. Be understanding and supportive, it helps us feel better.  Above all please do not get irritated or angry if we cry after every anxiety or panic attack and apologize for having it. I know after every anxiety or panic attack i have i always cry and tell my fiance im sorry for being the way i am, im sorry for not being able to control it, im sorry i worry you, im sorry i ruin our evenings out because we have to go home... Im so sorry for being like this. Im sorry for putting you through this. Imagine just feeling so out of energy you struggle to catch a breath. Imagine being so exhausted that even talking takes too much energy out of you. Imagine your body feeling like heavy metal and its impossible to move, this is how anxiety feels.