I feel like my whole existence is crushing down on me.
Every time my period comes its torture. I don't even mind the tormenting physical pain, mentally and emotionally its like my mind is being stabbed again and again. Bleeding out all that garbage I've been keeping in, trying to get my life some what going. But I can't. My whole way of living, my life, its all some lie or misunderstanding or just something that isn't me, that I don't recognize. Idk how to live where to live. Idk why to live. I keep wanting just not to exist. I can't even handle anything. And yes its my period but that's just an excuse. An excuse to finally burst in tears and let all of it out. But that's not going to help as it's a cycle. I keep on gathering this bs in my system just waiting to explode. And I'm never gonna be able to get control not even a glimpse of it. And the bit of self love, care, hope and confidence I've felt just a few months ago has vanished like it was never there to begin with. I can't even explain it. It was like a feeling through my body that pumped everyday; I felt like I've found my self. I felt hopeful and confident and artistic in a way that no one could possibly understand but me. I can't find that feeling! Where is it? I need it so desperately.