I don't remember the day
the day that I realized you were abusing me
I kept ignoring the fact that mental abuse was just as detrimental as physical
No, you weren't creating bruises, bleeding, or breaks
But I promise you there was damage
I second guess everyone now
I overthink someone else love for me, because I think its pretend, just like yours
Everything was my fault, even when it was very clearly yours
But I begged for you to forgive me for being broken by your mistakes, because I hated when our home was being torn down
I told myself that relationships take work
That if I tried harder to make you happy, then you wouldn't hurt me anymore
I think the thing that got me the most was how good of a liar you became
How easy it was for you to look me right in the eye and tell me a complete lie, and have zero remorse and never feel the stabbing guilt I would've felt.
How do you do that?
How do you feel okay looking at me?
And you know I know you're lying, but I want the lie to be true so badly that I'll ignore everything and pretend we're okay
Because unlike you, I did love you
I wanted to trust you and I wanted us to work, but I didn't have enough love in my heart for the both of us.
I thought I did, but we both know that's not how it works
You can't force someone to be in love with you like I wished you were