I am tired of living in fear
Fear that you will not like me
Fear that you will stop liking me
Fear that you will not love me
Fear that you will stop loving me
Fear that you will not want me
Fear that you will stop wanting me
Fear that you will not be with me
Fear that you will leave me
Fear that I will accidentally hurt your feelings
Fear that I will show a side of me you won't like
Fear that you will hurt yourself
Fear that you will love her instead
Fear that you will no longer be my friend
Fear that you never loved me
Fear that you lied to me
Fear that you were never really mine
Fear that you never thought I was yours
Fear that I am doing the wrong thing, no matter what it is
Fear that you loved me and I ruined it
Fear that you didn't but could have
Fear that you didn't and I made more of it in my head than it was
Fear that I gave you all of my heart, all of me, and you ran with it

I have been afraid so long to tell you how I really felt
That I loved you more than I have ever loved before
and I am afraid that if I would have told you sooner things would be okay
and I'm afraid that if we would have never left together things would be okay
and I'm afraid that even if everything happened differently things would be the same as they are now

And now I'm afraid to tell you how much you hurt me
and how I feel lied to, used, abandoned, and confused
how much I want to hate you, but can't, and how unfair I think you were
and how much you are killing me now
I'm afraid

I'm always afraid

I'm tired of being afraid.
I'm tired of fear.
I'm tired.
I'm tired.
I'm tired.

And I'm absolutely mad.
And I'm absolutely dead.