it's one of the scariest feelings-
   realizing you're still okay with dying

and it's like no matter what you do
or what you say or what you think
all you can focus on is
   how your throat is closing
   how your hands are shaking
   how your eyes burn from the eyeliner bleeding and
   how your reflection is getting more and more hideous

and more bitter, too.

and even when you think you have it all figured out,
   you'll still get pulled down on to that couch
   and you'll still lay there in the morning, unable to get up
   and you'll still do mindless tasks until it's time to get back in bed.

tired isn't just what you feel,
   it's what you are.

and you'll never know the energy it takes
   to smile and laugh

and truly mean it.