Thrashing frantically with futility
fore and aft fuels unseen internal racket,
which wrestling chokehold did nothing
to loosen or shuck off, nee only bracket
more severely, and bind tighter constraint -
analogous to being bound in straitjacket.

Cogs and wheels comprising
mental gear shaft cant
allow me to break free and scant
even minimally move,
thus only death can grant
release from continually

broadcasting another desperate rant
courtesy of my fifty plus
shades of gray matter, where extant
each brain cell caked, glommed,
and hardened with
lifelong hermetic sealant.

Mechanized irrational
behavior long did wield
unnatural control over actions, ******
functions, and thoughts long since sealed
where ever since post adolescence
childhood footloose and
fancy free days appealed.

Innocuous coping methods slowly
steeped in unhealthy fixation mode
innocent unsuspecting reactions
to ordinary life events did easily overload
and inexplicably, gradually,

yet egregiously erode
axons and neurons of each
and every neurological node
perhaps fated since conception,
a quirk within deoxyribonucleic code.

Psychological distress took hold
early during second grade
of school and set mold
for subsequent years,
cuz February 28th 1968 tell all told,
a significant upheaval for me,

which impact did unfold
when parents (in their prime) sold
the house on Lantern Lane
(Audubon, Pennsylvania) a bold
decision that unwittingly
wrenched psyche til I got old

in retrospect painful legacy
learned of very low threshold
involuntary inward withdrawal
set figurative ice cold
freeze (total shutdown)
of whole being and apathy,
and self resignation
condemned stranglehold.

Missus Rittenhouse the
assigned teacher at Eagleville
Elementary School discerned
meager effort and no will
to do more than fail (despite
poor grades), and still

bumped up recall when attending third
grade at Henry Kline Boyer
(another silent catastrophic
psyche dislocation) skill
fully convinced Missus Welles

third grade teacher into the grill
of Mister Stout (grade
four teacher) could not still
do nothing except pass,
no matter I barely passed fire drill

burnt out exhaustively acquiring least
flattering letter grades,
which almost complete
failure a bitter pill
like swallowing poison,
which nearly did ****!