Trapped inside my father's body

Hello, I was born at the exact death of the 20th century

I was also born witness of the birth of the 21th, a new glory

And all events i am rhyming here are for me history

Since they were all buried when I had no memory

At, least supposed to but my case was desultory

back to 1973

A baby was born

between death and life he was torn

And to an unforeseen path he was sworn

Out of the hush of the womb, his ears perceived every sound as a horn

1977 and my first joy

The old place looked coy

he, now Simon, was playing with a toy

as every night, a ritual he seemed to enjoy

Again, that toy and only that toy he did employ

Me, I could not get my eyes of a doll, everything else you could destroy

The doll that did not exist to the boy

*And deep inside of me i wish i could brush her hair

But I could not even feel air

my eyes tore up and my hopes i decided to spare

suddenly a flare

And I saw three circles, I swear

This seemed rare

Even under shock, I could see Simon sitting there

I did not know why of him only i was aware

And about my existence, he did not care

This did not seem fair

He suddenly and brutally shook his hair

Like if he was hearing a blare

And his pain i hoped to share

but it was pain he could bare*

**He recovered in a blink of an eye

at first he turned his head and seemed shy

Then he took the doll but why?

he brushed her hair and care he did apply

I would do it the same way if i was a guy

Oh My!

Thrill of joy really made me cry

It is the first time that reality to my wishes did comply

I don't have wings but I believe i can fly

The butterflies in my tummy made me reach the sky

Then, he stopped, held his neck wry

And without knowing where to look said hi

1989 and I was still confused

at times I was amused

at times my soul was abused

The time when he did what i refused

All the time that was misused

But wounds have bruised

and everything was excused

*Like when Simon sought privacy

And even from me he wanted to hide

but that showed inefficacy

And in discovering his body he took pride*

**He was as hot as the sun

And he seemed to have a lot of fun

His sight was fixed in the fashion of a look at a loved one

I needed to know my body to get what was done

My body was totally different, built in an other way

More like those girls that took him away

I felt jealous how he chose with whom to play

I was mad, with him i did not want to stay

I wanted my own body with no delay

And in this mixture of feelings I saw it again

This 2000 is driving me insane

And I bet he will feel it too in his brain

to calm the pain, this time he had to crane

He stood up and went to his sister's room

He was looking for something specific, I presume

He was looking for a costume

Girly underwear, a dress and perfume

I suddenly felt lighter than a plume

The senses that I do not have felt a boom

I felt like home I assume

I came into being, I was out of the gloom

It was short, my existence waved away, my dreams were spume

Finally he slept, all his energy and mine he did consume

And that one night was dramatic

That one dream was tragic

Simon seemed ecstatic

He also seemed older but I did not panic

He was not alone and it got problematic

He was with a young girl, she was static

I was the girl and it got enigmatic

I saw the flash again, this time it was emphatic

And for the first time I slept, it was systematic

And for four years, I dreamed, it was monochromatic

After I woke up all my confusion found explanation

And I learned a whole lot from this dream's narration

And to understand it all, it took me gobs of concentration

Finally, from all my pain and sorrow I found salvation

That 2000 I kept seeing will be the end of my gestation

Simon was not a mystery anymore, with him I had a relation

He was my father, and his dream found explication

During those two years, I listened to a long oration

And I learned tons about my father's future reputation

Still, some issues needed cogitation

What was I doing in this generation?

What caused this weird agitation?

Did Simon feel the same sensation?

Oh! shall I call him daddy now, his true appellation?

I was in sedation

Thinking about the identity of my mother gave me palpitation

1993 and my father was in college

He was so hopeful yet so depressed

He spent days and nights seeking knowledge

but he did not he was going to be the best

I felt his pain, his fear

his future didn't seem clear

I wanted to tell him about his great year

That he will be a pioneer

His success will be sincere

And his talent will be admired throughout the sphere

**But I talked facts and he heard inspiration

And what he will accomplish became now his fixation

He could feel the joy of the standing ovation

The one where I stood to proclaim his vocation

He fell in the temptation

And enjoyed the fruits of his ongoing plantation

He sensed my presence and crashed in frustration

1997 And the years left were few

And I did not know how i'll get through

My father was traveling to Peru

When he drowned in her eyes, they were blue

This seemed like a deja vu

This was my mother, this was my only clue

And all along, her he tried to woo

I was excited to meet someone new

someone that could be my mother, my debut

Of them being together I enjoyed the view

But my guesses were untrue

And from this relationship he withdrew

And the two of them said Adieu

1998 and all this is approaching its end

My father was lonely with no friend

and to him love and amiability I did send

And his knowledge of me did ascend

but he was seeing me as his girlfriend

I admit, this situation did offend

I wish he could comprehend

Maybe he was confused

I wanted to show him how gorgeous I will be

But only the beauty he did see

And his body he abused

To materialize what he pictured as beauty

**He named me Stephany

Without understanding my entity

One time, he went out not sure of his identity

He first went somewhere I did not catch regretfully

And then He bought a necklace that said Stephany**

I knew it was for me

I felt life and joy

but I felt freezing

like if I were in cold storage

I did not know why?

1999 and it's the end of March

If my dreams were true

Simon should *********** soon

But he did not

Nothing out of the usual

Except one random thing

A few days ago, I felt warmth

I felt life, I felt agitation

But everything I could perceive was normal

2010, Now I am ten

Winter again

Cold and freezing as I was then

I know my father, I never met him, I will stay zen

May I find him and take away the cold Amen

Till then

I will immortalize it all with my pen.

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