there are times when the words pour out of me from the darkest, deepest parts of my body and they just keep flowing and my lungs ache with the need to breathe but i just have to get these words out of me before they **** me. and then they’re there. a ****** jumble on the ground at your feet and you don’t understand, can’t sift through the mess i just gave you. sometimes you don’t say anything at all and you stare into my eyes waiting for the punch line that never comes. sometimes you say the completely wrong thing and it’s like a punch in the chest instead. i desperately want you to understand what goes on in here, why i do the things i do and why i am so awkward even at the best of times. i want you to understand that i come from a place of debilitating integrity with a dash of self-loathing that clings to the outlines of my shadow everywhere i go. i can see you trying to read my lips and listen to my words but somewhere along the way they get lost and wander off and it’s like we’re beyond speaking a foreign language to each other — we’ve become two separate species entirely.

5 mar, 2012