i’ve recently started spending all of my money on boots that have a heaviness in them that keep my feet firmly on the ground and allow me to feel every step with my entire body. i spend all of my money on hats to hide under so no one will see all the millions and millions of white lies that come tumbling off my tongue that have now started intertwining into an intricate web of my own insecurities.

i wake up in the morning with a purpose to fit firmly inside my skin and by mid-morning it’s all gone to **** and i don’t know who i am anymore. strands of my hair can be found everywhere these days, as if my body is purposely leaving pieces of me behind across the vastness of this continent in the hopes you will find me and put me back together.

i need your steady hands and the rough skin of your jawline across mine that leaves a burn even when you’re gone. i need your words of piercing scrutiny and for you to make me look you in eye because you know my fear of this fallacious species of ours is irrational and just *******, ******* ridiculous. i need you to tell me about your dreams where the sun was setting and no one was there but us and everything was going to be alright, everything made sense.

i need you to come on already.

i’m going blind with all of these halfway points and men who touch me like i’m nothing after tonight, men who speak to me with that hideous glint in their dark eyes as if they speak the word of Jesus Christ himself.

i need you to come on already so we can be the two happiest people on this godforsaken earth.

2 dec, 2011