Thanks James for your comments which I very much appreciate and which made me reread the poem several times over. May I add that I am new to this site and haven't yet found how to respond so am adding my response by way of a comment. As I said I have reread the poem and my own preference is for the first verse which I find flows better and contains a greater fluency of ideas whereas the second verse has rather random ideas which do not necessarily relate. It just shows how poetry, like other art forms is very much in the eye of the beholder/reader.