Why am I still sat here
waiting for him
shouldn't I be stronger than this
and not need a man to make me happy?
But happy he makes me
so very happy
ecstatic.
No not the right word-
euphoric
I can't really explain tbh
He is like a drug
my drug of choice even though
I know I shouldn't indulge
He's my secret addiction
that I want every day
but when I can't have him
I'm on the most painful come down
I've ever known
My soul escapes me and I can see it
being torn to pieces right in front of me
a puddle of blood and tears at my feet
I know its not healthy
this dependence
this addiction to love
to a man I can't have
to hurt, neglect and rejection
But I want that hit
of pure love
as each hit is always stronger than the last one
to do without this coursing through my veins
I fear I won't survive
I'm not strong enough to survive the pain
of not having love
with him