I never real understood
The concept of alcohol free *****
Alcohol free beer
Alcohol free wine
I don’t get Mocktales

And I don’t get fruit beer
And coffee beer
And other the other ****** drinks
That people drink these days

I mean when you drink *****
You want the alcohol

You want the buzz
You need the *****
And you want it now

And frankly fake *****
Just does not do it for me

So please no fake beer
No mocktails
No fake wine for me

As the song puts it
One scotch, one bourbon
And one beer

So, either give me the real deal
Or give me a cup of tea
Or coffee or water or juice

Or whatever
But don’t serve me fake *****