12/3 trapped

Do you know how it feels to be a prisoner
of your own mind ?
To feel trapped inside your own head .
Confined to a room w four walls
of nothing .
Almost like you were just dropped into this void .
An empty space filled with gloominess and
so much shade .
Feels as though I started off as a being with a
soul ,
A spirit if you may .
but slowly I've turned into a nonentity .
someone you don't notice is gone
until you need something .
until you need to release those feelings you hold
inside ,
you wouldn't notice me even if I died .
And I would cry ,
If I had any tears left .

Oh and do you know how it feels to want to
hide from yourself ?
Hide from the guilt
Hide from the shame
Hide from who you really are
whoever that is .
I am tired of this mask I am forced to wear .
Cloaking myself in the scent of happiness ,
Just so I can trick my thoughts into
Disappearing .
If only for a little while .
Oh how I wish for lucidity .
I just want to be heard
to be truly figured out .
I want someone to put together my mess
of a puzzle .
save me from myself
because she's a tricky one .
save me from this life filled with nothing
but endless pain .
every day is filled with the want to disappear
into thin air .
Evaporate into the heavens above
Or melt into the fires below

All I want is to not feel a thing .
But instead I feel every jab of words .
Like a stab wound to my chest
with a twist .
The twist being me holding that knife
To  my own throat .
Do you know how it feels to hold the dagger of
death ?
One incision ,
One puncture and it's all over .