"a wistful desire to return in thought or in fact to a former time in one's life."
i miss my memories . the ones i can remember so vividly . back when she was my best friend , he was my end , and she was my cousin. i miss my feelings . not the ones that remind me of a time not worth living . engrossed in my sisters drowning nightmares plagued me because i blamed me .
i miss when everything was so effortless . being me was a manifest error , something that was luminous . lighting up my world with darkness . back when i wasn't weak . felt indestructible, nothing could destroy me . except maybe a heartbreak .. or three .
i miss when i did not miss . back when remembering "this and that " , didn't mean a panic attack . back when being happy was a state of mind instead of something i wanted to be mine . back when i wasn't afraid to connect . before you and everyone left and i was like our govenment . a little off balanced , without being checked .
i miss who i used to be because i am not sure how to be this "after" me .