Dec 2018
"You're such an extrovert!" They loudly claim
"I'm nothing but a loner" I secretly say
...
..
.
loneliness is the most familiar feeling of them all. i'm a thinker. i sometimes wish i weren't. but i am. i constantly feel like i am detached from everyday life. too much of an analyser to immerse myself in it without feeling like i'm acting. i have always felt and still feel lonely. the odd one out amongst siblings. the only child of a mother's second marriage. the people in my life are too different to bond beyond shallow communication. i love my family and friends but our connection is too superficial for my needs. even though i go out, i laugh and play the part, i sometimes feel that something is missing. i sometimes feel that no one really knows the real me. i don't even know if i know the real me. sixth form is now over and i am starting uni next week. will i continue to feel this lonely? being depressed and suicidal at home whilst being ms perfect at school was my reality for the past 7 years. i can't believe how proficient i have become at hiding my feelings and expressing only what i want to express. no matter how hard i try to let loose and stop overthinking, i find no one else like me in my life. i feel like i have nothing in common with anyone. i feel trapped in a world that judges me at every turn and yet never bothers to try to help or understand.
"I'm nothing but a loner" I secretly say
...
..
.
loneliness is the most familiar feeling of them all. i'm a thinker. i sometimes wish i weren't. but i am. i constantly feel like i am detached from everyday life. too much of an analyser to immerse myself in it without feeling like i'm acting. i have always felt and still feel lonely. the odd one out amongst siblings. the only child of a mother's second marriage. the people in my life are too different to bond beyond shallow communication. i love my family and friends but our connection is too superficial for my needs. even though i go out, i laugh and play the part, i sometimes feel that something is missing. i sometimes feel that no one really knows the real me. i don't even know if i know the real me. sixth form is now over and i am starting uni next week. will i continue to feel this lonely? being depressed and suicidal at home whilst being ms perfect at school was my reality for the past 7 years. i can't believe how proficient i have become at hiding my feelings and expressing only what i want to express. no matter how hard i try to let loose and stop overthinking, i find no one else like me in my life. i feel like i have nothing in common with anyone. i feel trapped in a world that judges me at every turn and yet never bothers to try to help or understand.
