Laughter behind the tears,
Tears behind the memories,
And memories are all that's left.
Of heartstrings torn apart,
Of whispered intentions,
Of cherished nightmares,
And words gone unheard.
You have become a wall.
A cold, hard entity,
Its existence only appreciated
Because someone needs it,
It’s being there,
It being a part of that somebody.
One sided conversations,
Endless longing,
And pain,
An overdose of pain.
But the memories are never lost,
Never unwanted,
Cherished, every moment of it,
Lived in rewind,
Over and over again.
Moments which leave you,
Breathless with pain,
Yet laughing at what once,
Happened, oh so long ago.
An emotion which leaves your mind,
In a chaotic disposition,
On what to do, what to feel.
Weren’t you just angry at that?
How is the exact same thing leave you
Smiling, perhaps even laughing,
That too behind drowning eyes,
A heart wrapped in pain,
Held at a death lock,
Draining the life out of you,
Leaving insanity to prevail.
His eyes watch your every move,
Stalk every footfall,
Register every flutter of the eyelashes,
Every smile, every tear.
His touches, burning your skin,
He watches you while you sleep.
He is there, nowhere.
Mind games you cannot defeat,
Troubling your soul,
Making you remember,
Memories old with use,
Played on repeat,
So often that,
The images become your reality,
While reality becomes a denial.
And finally you find yourself,
Slow dancing in a room alone,
Never really being alone.
Long nights spent sitting
At corners of the bed,
Replaying every moment,
Hoping that somehow,
You could reach into the past,
Grab him, take him in your arms,
And pull him into the present with you,
Swearing, never to let go,
Again, that is.
Yes, you hope,
For hope is all the lost ones have,
Hope to find things lost,
Hope to meet,
Hope to talk and not just speak,
For this world is a small place,
And our lives are too long,
Our wishes too meaningful,
Longing too true,
And love, pure.
And what a beautiful mess this is.


Inspired by Jason Marz's song "a beautiful mess" :)