Which means I've hit a bottom.

I just need to tell this to someone:

I can't do it with the fatigue.

I can't. I just can't.

I'm so ******* ******* myself that if I loose my energy, I loose my grip. I'm done after that. I can't do it with the fatigue.

I'm going against the doctor's orders, but I think that's okay. I'm scared, **** it! I'm scared about a lot of things, and most of all I'm scared of depression. I'm so terrified of it. It scares me.

So tomorrow I'm going back to my 40. Back to my 40. Back to my 40.

And it'll be fine.