Jan 2013
It always catches me off gaurd whenever he moved hair from my face. Like static eletricity. A sudden shock then numb. I excel at not noticing though. If I take it too seriously then it'll be forever until I get him this close again. I hate that. If I ever saw it coming then I would have the sense to move out of the way of his hand. I would mindlessly move the wisp behind my ear, then call it a day. Nothing to see here. Move along. The worse is over so go back to your homes and forget everything. Yeah right.
Thump
There would be mornings when I practiced what I would say to him. It would be quick and deep. He wouldn't know what hit him. I would never bring up anything that happened a week ago. Hell, even one night ago. As soon as the daylight hit us, we were to act like strangers with goldfish memories. Slightly grazing whenever we swam near each other. Barely touching. I'd mimic over and over again the words that I would have said. And then I would see him...****, what was I going to say?
Thump
Music doesn't help either. Whenever you're going insane over someone it's like the force of nature knows. So everything that has a remote form of sound has to remind you of him in one way or another. I have to keep the radio off whenever I go driving or else I think too much. I get sentimental. If he knew that then it would just get worse. I think guys like it better when you act like you haven't thought about them all day. Then they don't feel responsible about letting you down in the end because they haven't thought about you unless you're right in front of them sometimes. That's alright though, it gives me a reason to keep busy. His favorite song is going off...why was I so stupid to put it as his ringtone?
Thump
It's me and him. Finally. Just driving. All I needed was five minutes notice before he came around to my house and I was ready. I made it point to never sleep at night, just in case. Our memories came back. Everything is just fine. He's perfect. And so am I. Nothing else matters except the road. Now I can breathe for one more week. I think that over and over again as I inhale another drag of the cigarette that we're sharing. I wouldn't call it love. Hell, I can't even call it friendship. I don't want any of those complications to get in it again. I excel at not noticing. I excel at letting things go. I can count how many times I let him go when he wanted to go. If he's happy and doesn't hate me then when he's done with whoever...I'll still be there. Open door policies are great. I'm playing hard to get and easy to lose all at the same time...
Thump
The sunlight came back. And it's taken over for a few weeks. I wish the stupid sun would super nova already. I'm pretty sure if that happened then that would be a good enough to talk to me about. "Did you see that????"
Not everyone gets what they want. It's easy to think that when you have nothing. It's easier to know it when you know you don't stand a chance at getting it. I excel at not noticing. I'm a freeze frame just for you. I'll stay where we left off and whenever you say so I'll move again. I'll be your best friend forever. And all I'll ever want is your happiness cause I'm greedy like that. Yet, one day, I know I'll move your hand when you come close to my face again. Sometimes static electricity loses it's shock and I can't afford to be numb just for you. For now, though...I'll pretend I don't notice.
Thump
Thump
There would be mornings when I practiced what I would say to him. It would be quick and deep. He wouldn't know what hit him. I would never bring up anything that happened a week ago. Hell, even one night ago. As soon as the daylight hit us, we were to act like strangers with goldfish memories. Slightly grazing whenever we swam near each other. Barely touching. I'd mimic over and over again the words that I would have said. And then I would see him...****, what was I going to say?
Thump
Music doesn't help either. Whenever you're going insane over someone it's like the force of nature knows. So everything that has a remote form of sound has to remind you of him in one way or another. I have to keep the radio off whenever I go driving or else I think too much. I get sentimental. If he knew that then it would just get worse. I think guys like it better when you act like you haven't thought about them all day. Then they don't feel responsible about letting you down in the end because they haven't thought about you unless you're right in front of them sometimes. That's alright though, it gives me a reason to keep busy. His favorite song is going off...why was I so stupid to put it as his ringtone?
Thump
It's me and him. Finally. Just driving. All I needed was five minutes notice before he came around to my house and I was ready. I made it point to never sleep at night, just in case. Our memories came back. Everything is just fine. He's perfect. And so am I. Nothing else matters except the road. Now I can breathe for one more week. I think that over and over again as I inhale another drag of the cigarette that we're sharing. I wouldn't call it love. Hell, I can't even call it friendship. I don't want any of those complications to get in it again. I excel at not noticing. I excel at letting things go. I can count how many times I let him go when he wanted to go. If he's happy and doesn't hate me then when he's done with whoever...I'll still be there. Open door policies are great. I'm playing hard to get and easy to lose all at the same time...
Thump
The sunlight came back. And it's taken over for a few weeks. I wish the stupid sun would super nova already. I'm pretty sure if that happened then that would be a good enough to talk to me about. "Did you see that????"
Not everyone gets what they want. It's easy to think that when you have nothing. It's easier to know it when you know you don't stand a chance at getting it. I excel at not noticing. I'm a freeze frame just for you. I'll stay where we left off and whenever you say so I'll move again. I'll be your best friend forever. And all I'll ever want is your happiness cause I'm greedy like that. Yet, one day, I know I'll move your hand when you come close to my face again. Sometimes static electricity loses it's shock and I can't afford to be numb just for you. For now, though...I'll pretend I don't notice.
Thump
