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Nov 2018
Would you like me to keep checking in everyday, or less so? I know that it gets annoying sometimes. I don't know. It's such a struggle to communicate how I feel. I don't know how to express myself. My thoughts. The constant battle within my head. Just let me know, y'know? If I'm getting over-the-top, just tell me to cut it out. I apologize. I'm sorry if I take things too far. It's just my paranoia. My overthinking. My social anxiety. My fear of being alone, yet that desire to just be left alone. I don't know. Everything's just so overwhelming. Sometimes, I check in, and hope that you'd do the same, but if you're busy, it's okay, I guess. I don't know. Life is just a struggle, y'know? The struggle to just be -- to move, and think, and speak, and breathe, and just process everything. Sometimes, it's like I just want to be done with life. Done with everything. And I just don't know what to do. I don't know what to say. I want to say something, but I can't. You know? I want to say that I'll be there for you, or that I have certain feelings for you, or that I care for you, or that I wholeheartedly want the best for you. But I just can't. There's a setback in my mind that backfires everything. I don't know anymore. Just let me know that you want me to stop checking in, or not so often. I'm sorry in advance, I guess. That fear of social approval and social judgement, and just not being good enough. It's just so hard to see what's right or wrong in a certain context or circumstance. If I act aggressive or suicidal, I'm sorry for making your life difficult. It's just hard to be. You know, sometimes, I feel like no one really sees me. It's like I'm invisible. I feel like I'm so alone. Like I know I have friends, but it's like they're so busy, and I don't wanna be a bother to them. I'm sorry if I am. I'm sorry if I failed your expectations. I'm sorry if I wasn't there for you. Because you're all I really have. And I just want the best for you.
Andrew Choo
Written by
Andrew Choo  20/M/Toronto, ON, Canada
(20/M/Toronto, ON, Canada)   
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