Sometimes people ask whether I miss the way we were and I'd be lying if I said that at least for a moment I don't always feel my stomach lurch at the mention of the life I lost.
that sometimes I imagine the million things that might have made my life different better, sweeter, more full.
But how can I miss the wayward way proximity only ever made me feel small
how nearness never meant intimacy
So no. I always say No.
I don't miss us. I don't miss feeling alone in a room full of people.
I don't miss wondering why the glimmering image of the life I should have the family I should have the smile I should have didn't match the broken memories I was making And I repeat, I do not miss it. I do not miss the way we were.
I am grateful for the tear for the pain I felt when you ripped my heart to pieces. For the time I spent wishing I could turn back time wishing we could stay the way we were.
And everyday I find solace in that catalyst that broke my life apart that broke my family apart that made me feel like a person in pieces.
That established the life I have today. My own glimmering image, life, family, smile. I do not miss the way we were.