Its 2:00 a.m. on a Tuesday I’m sitting here reading quotes off the internet. It’s this time where I race through my mind for the best word to say next. Because despite what I say. I care what goes through people’s minds when they see me. And as hard as I try Every part of me is a part of someone else Every word I speak I was taught And every thought I have was influenced by someone. I speak about things that are tangible Because my mind hides parts that you can’t feel You see I make fun of who I was Because it isn’t who I am now I do it so no one else will Because despite what I say I care what people thought Thought as in past Because the thoughts you left behind I’ve picked up I’ve had some for years They aren’t all bad But some wrench my heart I still have them because they taught me to be unashamed And I suppose that’s a lesson I’m still being taught You see out of the qualities I have My best is defining who I am. Because you see, that is tangible and easy Because it takes only words. I am Alexis. I am a twin I speak loudly and care too much too often. I tend to smother and sometimes I forget to say thank you The descriptions too heavy for words are the ones that scare me The ones I see when I look in the mirror for the 7th time before I leave my room The ones that rattle my lungs And hang low in my stomach when I’m having an off day. Because despite what I say. What I haven’t said is the part that matters.