Sometimes I can't stand
to be around this man.
And I know that might confuse my audience. Because I've expressed plenty of times, just how much I care for him.

However,
the depth of my infatuation happens to frighten me.

I guess because I'm fully aware of how quickly he could leave me.
And just how deeply it would strike me.

Still,
I try not to let these thoughts consume me.
But it's easier said then done when the past haunts me with its specific pattern.

Makes me wonder what makes this round different,
And when exactly did I begin to matter.
Then I hesitate when he asks what's the matter.

Because I'm afraid to speak these fears into existence.
I would hate for him to look at me different.
For him to label me as needy,  god forbid he label me insecure.

So I keep my mouth shut. And keep my heart secure.

It's bizarre cause I've never trusted someone as much as him.
But I don't trust him at all.

Still I give him chances to convince me.
So maybe I'm just in denial.

And I pray to god that if worst comes to worst.
My heart will break my fall.

Perhaps crumble to pieces.

Because if he don't want it.

I **** sure don't need it.