Why cant i do the things i want? I got no ***** to put myself out there at all, it seems like i dont care but honestly its the only thing thats on my mind. Why cant i ******* find the courage to spit out the words and all my feelings. This self hatred is exceeding the acceptable boundaries. I ******* hate myself some times. I think the only way to unwind is through a blunt. But guess what, i smoke too much and my anxiety runs a ******* muck. I need to hit the mats.  I feel its the only way i can truly relax. I need to smoke and roll, thats just seems like its my only vice. But the untold place of my true happiness with through the touch of a woman. It seems like kind of an odd omen, cause i dont when and how to talk to em. When i think too much about it my anger boils up and theres no way around it. My dreams are foiled cause some how my subconscious is toiled in not letting myself find happiness. Its like i only seem to be comfortable when im stuck and smothered in some crappiness. But got **** its so hard to live with myself sometimes. Im emotionally worn out. All i can do is just cry