sometimes I wonder what life would be like if it hadn't happened
would he then love me? would he then treat me, touch me, talk to me, as he had done before?
would he see me as his love, his partner, his ally, rather than a foe?

sometimes i wonder what life would be like if she hadn't come along
would he then want me? would he then look at me, chase me, feel me, as he had done before?

would he have chosen me?
would he have kissed and held me? and smiled when he saw me?
would all those hours, those days, those months, talking to him, learning about him go to use?

but woe is me. and i am but a bystander,
cursed by lust and impatience
trapped in a cold, dark heart, incapable of feelings others.
incapable of being his.