Dec 2012
My boyfriend says I'm pretty and smart
A curse I would say
It caused a thousand different men
To implant a spirit of lust in me
Which is hard to shake off
And without choice
God took my hand and told me it's okay
Jesus came into my life and showed me the way
I'm afraid to take the first step, so terrified I want to hide and be neutral
but that is impossible
I don't want to be like everyone else, but it's so easy
I want that piece of heaven in the sky and in my heart, but it's so difficult to fly
Jesus is so beautiful and everything about God's kingdom is so grand
I just feel so ***** sometimes
I'm even afraid to be forgiven
Because smoking and drinking and having *** are too easy, too enjoyable
*** is slowly leaving me
The desire is gone, because I've been hurt with it too many times
But how do you tell this to someone who loves you and makes love to you because he's in love?
He would never in a million years understand
He has his own path to follow, and I have no idea which one it is
Because he doesn't even have direction
So it isn't wise to follow him anyway, though I wish there were another way
I dream of a man who would wait
And would love me and respect me enough to forgive me for all the things I've done
And when we've been devoted to each other, he views me as pure and beautiful-just for him
He knows how to support himself
He would support me
But we are a team
We are both a part of God's kingdom
Our romance is everlasting
And so all the aspects of life would be in place
Call me a dreamer? You're wrong
It's in the book, it's REAL
I know people who are doing it
I'm just so slow to learn, so fearful I'm paralyzed
Because everything in my life would have to crumble before I made the decision to be perfect
My boyfriend says I'm extreme
It really is one way or another
On the inside I'm a 2%-er
So disgusted by the ways of the 98%, yet I love them too much to let them go
Hard work is hard work and that's what it takes to cross over
Sometimes I think it would be better to be ignorant
To think that there's really no other way and simply assimilate myself to a vapid existence
As long as I am having fun
But I know of a promise for paradise and an extraordinary human experience
But it's too great for me right now
It's too big
So intimidating
Though I know I torture Jesus with every breath I take
As I continue to do nothing about it.
A curse I would say
It caused a thousand different men
To implant a spirit of lust in me
Which is hard to shake off
And without choice
God took my hand and told me it's okay
Jesus came into my life and showed me the way
I'm afraid to take the first step, so terrified I want to hide and be neutral
but that is impossible
I don't want to be like everyone else, but it's so easy
I want that piece of heaven in the sky and in my heart, but it's so difficult to fly
Jesus is so beautiful and everything about God's kingdom is so grand
I just feel so ***** sometimes
I'm even afraid to be forgiven
Because smoking and drinking and having *** are too easy, too enjoyable
*** is slowly leaving me
The desire is gone, because I've been hurt with it too many times
But how do you tell this to someone who loves you and makes love to you because he's in love?
He would never in a million years understand
He has his own path to follow, and I have no idea which one it is
Because he doesn't even have direction
So it isn't wise to follow him anyway, though I wish there were another way
I dream of a man who would wait
And would love me and respect me enough to forgive me for all the things I've done
And when we've been devoted to each other, he views me as pure and beautiful-just for him
He knows how to support himself
He would support me
But we are a team
We are both a part of God's kingdom
Our romance is everlasting
And so all the aspects of life would be in place
Call me a dreamer? You're wrong
It's in the book, it's REAL
I know people who are doing it
I'm just so slow to learn, so fearful I'm paralyzed
Because everything in my life would have to crumble before I made the decision to be perfect
My boyfriend says I'm extreme
It really is one way or another
On the inside I'm a 2%-er
So disgusted by the ways of the 98%, yet I love them too much to let them go
Hard work is hard work and that's what it takes to cross over
Sometimes I think it would be better to be ignorant
To think that there's really no other way and simply assimilate myself to a vapid existence
As long as I am having fun
But I know of a promise for paradise and an extraordinary human experience
But it's too great for me right now
It's too big
So intimidating
Though I know I torture Jesus with every breath I take
As I continue to do nothing about it.
