you know that dream we all have?
the one where we're trying so hard to reach out and touch something,
trying to get somewhere,
or get away from something frightening.

that's what it feels like.

you want so bad to make my hurt go away, but you don't know how
and i don't know how to let you know it's not your fault.

trust me when i say there is nothing you could've done, or still can do to save me.
i'm too far gone for that.

it's like that other dream we all have
the one where we're sinking so fast we know we can't catch ourselves.
we claw at the ground, the air, trying to grasp something solid, something we can hold on to.
but nothing's there,
nothing is ever there.
we just fall.

this crushing weight upon my chest won't go away
and i'm too tired to push off the heaviness that's pulling me down.
you offer me your hand, and i can't take it
my fingers won't stretch that far.

i hear your voice shouting,
telling me over and over not to give up, to keep trying.
i slowly shake my head and close my eyes, allowing the sleep to pull me in
deeper.
can't you see i'm happy here in my dreams?

i just need to be alone.