Oct 2018
Vision is going black,
I’m standing on the edge.
I just wanted some friends,
Now I just want my life to end.
I’m done feeling all these feelings,
Staring at this ******* ceiling,
Wishing my life had some meaning,
Hold my breath, ’till I stop breathing.
No, these people are not my friends,
I don't even know 'em.
No, these people are not my friends,
I can't see behind their masks.
Don’t want to die alone,
But I’m living in a hell.
Stand back from this top,
Climb down the ladder,
‘Cause I don't even trust myself.
And I fell for all your reasons,
Again.
The chemicals numb my feelings,
I become so cold, I’m freezing.
Just hold me ’till I stop bleeding.
No, these people are not my friends...
And now, I’m in my **** head again...
Quick, just overdose, get the medicine.
I’m standing on the edge.
I just wanted some friends,
Now I just want my life to end.
I’m done feeling all these feelings,
Staring at this ******* ceiling,
Wishing my life had some meaning,
Hold my breath, ’till I stop breathing.
No, these people are not my friends,
I don't even know 'em.
No, these people are not my friends,
I can't see behind their masks.
Don’t want to die alone,
But I’m living in a hell.
Stand back from this top,
Climb down the ladder,
‘Cause I don't even trust myself.
And I fell for all your reasons,
Again.
The chemicals numb my feelings,
I become so cold, I’m freezing.
Just hold me ’till I stop bleeding.
No, these people are not my friends...
And now, I’m in my **** head again...
Quick, just overdose, get the medicine.
Something I wrote back in August. Just found it, and redone little parts, made the formation better too. It was quite a mess.
Should I start explaining some parts?
Living in a hell:
You know that feeling. Thinking people will leave you, and there's no point in even trying.
There's a hell both inside; the voices,
and outside of your head; the people you can't trust.
Don't want to die alone:
I want to experience love, don't get me wrong. But I want the ideal, impossible love, that probably doesn't exist.
Stand back from this top, climb down the ladder:
Referring to a past suicide attempt, symbolic, because it feels like I'm back there again. Deciding what to do. And I end up not choosing anything, so I just climb down, and go on with my life, go with the flow.
Cause I don't even trust myself:
I don't know if I should trust my judgement, or not. I might be hoping deep down that I can be fixed, but logically thinking it's impossible. And I know that. But when thinking about it too long, I kind of just give up on thinking and choosing, and I go with the flow. Make a choice of trusting, or not. A kind of middle way, if you will.
Vision is going black, I’m standing on the edge:
Again, referring to the past suicide attempt I mentioned, symbolic again. It just feels like the same, as it was back then.
Should I start explaining some parts?
Living in a hell:
You know that feeling. Thinking people will leave you, and there's no point in even trying.
There's a hell both inside; the voices,
and outside of your head; the people you can't trust.
Don't want to die alone:
I want to experience love, don't get me wrong. But I want the ideal, impossible love, that probably doesn't exist.
Stand back from this top, climb down the ladder:
Referring to a past suicide attempt, symbolic, because it feels like I'm back there again. Deciding what to do. And I end up not choosing anything, so I just climb down, and go on with my life, go with the flow.
Cause I don't even trust myself:
I don't know if I should trust my judgement, or not. I might be hoping deep down that I can be fixed, but logically thinking it's impossible. And I know that. But when thinking about it too long, I kind of just give up on thinking and choosing, and I go with the flow. Make a choice of trusting, or not. A kind of middle way, if you will.
Vision is going black, I’m standing on the edge:
Again, referring to the past suicide attempt I mentioned, symbolic again. It just feels like the same, as it was back then.
