I tell myself,
just one last time,
It’s a lie you know,
a verbal disguise,
to hide my intentions,
of getting my fix, a hit, just another high,
to calm my nerves,
soothe my pain,
ease all the fears inside.
I’m afraid you know,
of confronting my feelings,
they want to emerge, show themselves,
but I’m scared so I continue to slip,
Leaving me reeling,
in more agony, shame, and confusion.
One last time though is nothing more than deception,
deceiving myself,
hundreds of times once again.