The actual advertisement in “Ireland’s Own” Men Seeking Women columns read as follows:  "Lone farmer – Born on Christmas Day - solvent - Has traditional values - Seeks a hefty lady from 40 upwards - Photographs exchanged. Kilmacat, Limerick 00649280942"
A Christmas Card with photo arrives. The farmer gets a call...

Hefty Lady: Happy Birthday!
What are your cows like?
Farmer: Funny you should ask -
they are known as laughing stock.
Unable to produce young. Anti-bull.

HL:  Can you promise there will no
secrets between us?
F: Can’t say for sure.
The potatoes have eyes,
the corn has ears.

HL: My photo makes me
look like the Venus de Milo.
F: I noticed. You've got no arms.
You won't do. I need a heavy lifter.

HL: My arms are out of
the photo because I’m lifting..
F: What weight are
you lifting?
HL: 128 kilos  -
Kleen & ******  –
world record.

F: Is that the name
of a tractor?
HL: Nien!

F: What’s your name?
HL: Bertha Eva Tunne.

Farmer: I want to see your calves.
Hefty Lady: I will bring them with me.
Farmer: Happy Christmas!
The plane tickets are in the post.

Tobias