you stood over me
last night.
i felt you in my room
watching
waiting, believing me
into existence
when i woke up,
at midnight
all the lights were still on
and i was holding myself
so tightly, that i thought
it was the embrace of someone else
and this sickness washed over me
and i waited, staring at the ceiling
looking for an answer
in the popcorn constellations.
i found nothing,
so i stood up and removed the lights
blew out the candles
and laid back down...
your hand brushed my face
ice against fire
and i felt you enter my heart
like an old friend, an old flame
and i allowed you in.
closing my eyes, i saw you
pressing yourself against me
where you've wanted to be all these years
but i cannot allow you to be there
i cannot allow you to feel my pulse
so i push you away and
gravity no longer exists
and you fall into the space
around my bed
nothing to tether you
nothing to hold
just empty
vastness.
a place where you belong.