Dearest You,
Don't you ever get tired of doing that? Throwing yourself at their unimpressed feet. Being stared down by their  cold  and too cool eyes. I guess, that quite simply, I don't understand.
You say you do it for the laughs, to make other happy, but honestly how does making yourself an idiot jester in their self proclaimed noble court make anyone happy? You just look empty inside.
And perhaps its another on your ways to mask this elusive hurt of yours.

Maybe

But I still wonder why you continue to try to climb up on that falsely glorified pedestal of theirs. Only to be left with scraped knees and bruises.
But how?
How to let yourself be stripped of your dignity and self- worth, how do you allow yourself to leave anyone who actually cares at your heels.  

Are they really that important? Are those 5 seconds of almost acceptance truly worth it all? We are only people, we crave to accepted.

But still

Perhaps its only me, but I refuse to value myself any less of what I'm worth. I refuse to lie to myself and to pretend that I don't care. I refuse to be pushed down and called inferior. I am sorry, but I can''t be part of that.

I just don't understand you.

Good Luck,

**M