to the one i have loved:
How do i put this eloquently?
how could my best friend, my baby,
cast me away so easily?
as if I meant nothing, all along
you smelled out my vulnerability and capitalized,
but your touch and kind words,
how could you fake them?
with such a serious vehemence
in which my intrigue grew to enamor?
I can't bring myself to admit the illusion,
the delusion,
but how else do you explain
the insignificance that brought me this pain?
you may be but i am not
stoic, i am full of nerves like a funny bone or sensitive tooth, and i wear them openly and freely,
you may see this as my weakness but it is my greatest strength,
to let myself feel what i may and know that those emotions are okay
to feel the world the way i see it and let people in

I know i made mistakes, i am human, am i not?
yet here is the delusion: did you expect me to be perfect? visions of a perfect love with understanding and support, tucked in the country side with a dog and someday a little boy or girl?
I had them too. Before you told me you could imagine a life with me.

and I took that to heart.

But never mind the past, it cannot be undone, although intense longing and plea for answers besets, i know this is for the best, i trust that you did me a favor in the long run. I am much too strong of a woman .

So my darling, goodnight and i wish you well
But i want you to know, just my sentient:
you will hold a piece of me no one had touched, even if i was your way of forgetting an even greater love,
i just wish that love could have been me.