I wish that I felt happier on my own

I know that this isn't always the case
But I do sincerely feel better
If I'm in the midst of romance
When things are occurring and keeping up
Often and when I want them too
I'm sure many feel this.

I have so much to read
Imagining their hands on someone else
I wonder if I'm just ******* fooling myself
"Never give men the benefit of the doubt, at least that's what I've learned."
A friend of mine said today
When discussing the new boyfriend of a woman I used to sleep with
As we wondered if she knew.

Surely she must.
?

I know you cannot find happiness
Through the eyes of another
But I do wonder
How so many find and keep
Maintain
Though mine are still there
Wanting and trembling
As I'm gone so often
And portray a cool but meaningful
Demanding presence
Distant.

I think of how much I just want to move someplace else again.

My mind wanders to the couples that watch television together
Make love, cook, clean, take out the garbage
I think of the times I have had that
The many times
And how fulfilling and unfulfilling they all were.

I don't really know what I'm doing right now
Sometimes I feel totally free and at peace with it
But at this moment
Almost like clock work
I feel neglected, forgotten, too chill

And bored.