I spent all this time
Discussing and moving through hula hoops
Loosening my body
So that it could reach it's utmost depth.

I moved among nature
Made sound into moans
By day four it's like you both got used to my absence.

Is it because I'm so the cool girl
Is it because I play a little bit hard to get
Is it because whenever I feel controlled by my love life
I turn my phone right off?
Just for a bit.

A new friend told me last night
Warned me rather,
Of seeking security--validation I coined it
From the romantic relationships I'm in
She spoke of love and *** so casually
Like it was made for us all to do
And I've noticed the folks most secure in their own
Relationships
Can most easily give that kind of advice.

I'm 28 now
I've let go of trying to find a husband
I put up with *******, but only so much of it
I'm not rushing, I'm not searching
I just want companionship and some really good ***.

I feel the coming cold of Chicago
And I realize within myself every inch of it
That my time here is coming to a close
And it doesn't have to be filled with disappointment
Though I do feel it
Even when I hear the name of a person of my past
Who fills his days up with babies, diapers, a new wife
I've just seen and watched so many of the men
The men that were my men
Pass me by.

I'm hard to get, I'm free, the cool girl
Who yet still seems to demand meaning
And honest conversation
The word resentment enters my mind sometimes
Like just wondering if they feel it towards me at times
I hang up the phone hastily
Tired of hearing not what I want to hear
As soon as one of them reaches
The other does in unison

It reminds me of when I was 13
I'd be on AIM messenger
Talking to three teenage boys at once
Bing bing bing
The chats would all go at once.

Am I still
That little girl
Staring at the soft glow of a screen
Make up washed off
Pjs on
Eating a bite
Typing or speaking quickly
Hoping for a sense
Of belonging
Somewhere in
Love.