I want to believe the best in you,
But I can’t bring myself to do it.
Every time I get close,
Every time I give into that cautious optimism --
convincing myself to inch closer and closer to the ledge --
I’m left alone, wondering why I wasn’t enough, or if I did something wrong;
Clawing to get back to something that was never even there.
But you seem so good.
I’m stuck in your kind eyes
+ the lightness of your laugh
+ the way you hold me close and run your fingers through my hair.
Your smell is still on my clothes,
and I can’t stop smiling.
You seem gentle,
And kind and smart and brave.
You seem like exactly what I’m looking for…
But, they always do.
They always say what I want to hear,
And they all feel like home,
For a little while,
Until it isn’t enough anymore...
And it’s like nothing ever happened.
Oh God, I hope this is different.
I hope you’re different.
(a.g.)