It was the burden
I couldn’t love

You held it
And I held you

It wasn’t your core
that I finally rejected
It was your
choice
not to let it go

To let me
drown in it’s weight

You aren't here
You keep saying

As if I had a choice

You let me carry
The universe  
and viewed me with disgust
when I
forced the whisper
‘enough’

And then
let it all collapse

The shaming of the world
rasps
in my ear
and fingers wag
with
disapproval

You didn’t care enough
You let it drop
You were supposed to
crush
your
self
trying

Like any good woman
Would

Failure
Failure
Failure
You want me
to believe
Monster
Monster
Monster

And I repeat it
to myself
At the same time that I
lick the wounds
and inch my way
forward

It’s a withered self
that lives with me now
And all the weight
that’s left
is my own

But
I was always
strong
enough
to carry
that