I am so sick of playing the good guy

of keeping my mouth shut
of checking up on you every ******* time something goes wrong
and wishing you well with a boy I can’t ******* stand
of keeping my problems to myself
of letting you tell me you love me everytime you leave

I ****** you to show you that that’s all you are to me
one night
not even an “I love you”
a “shut the hell up before someone hears you”
a fist around your throat and lips on your inner thigh

it wasn’t even for you
I didn’t care how good it made you feel

I wanted to have some ******* control for once

I am so sick of you leaving hickeys on my neck
of getting me high to show me you still own me
of your fingers in my hair and your nails on my back

you drive me ******* insane
and I am so sick of always coming back to you