my mom asks me how I’m doing
I smile and tell her I’m happy

but every time I see my doctor
I tell him
I want to die

I’m at 1800 mg now

just to try and keep from rocking the boat hard enough
to flip me into the water

but I do not need oceans to drown me
I just need to hear you say that you still love me

let me choke on all the reasons you left
why didn’t you stay?