I started drinking again

but I never get the urge to call you
and beg you to come back to me

maybe because I don’t miss you anymore

I only think it’s surprising because
when we used to get drunk together

you begged me for love
but not the kind I asked in return

you only ever told me you loved the way I touched you
how I made you feel good

I asked you to love me at one in the morning when I could not feel your arms around me
or hear your heart beat next to mine
asked you to promise to be here when I woke up

I got used to hungover mornings without you
and I think that’s why I don’t reach for you

I wanted to tell you I still love you
but I don’t know if I ever did

I started drinking again
and I haven’t even texted you

I don’t want you to come back
and I’m okay with that