I'm stuck in this spot
Motionless unable to move
My stomach is being ripped apart along with my emotions
I'm paralyzed in fear all I see is your eyes
Hungry
I try to escape run for help
But its too late now
I've gone somewhere else

I wake up in the morning still frozen in the spot I think its a dream or he likes me a lot
I feel sick when asked about that night
But I liked him and didn't put up a fight
Nothing about it feels right but my friends are excited and happy for me and no one questions how wrong this might be so then it must be right?

Time passes were still friends if you could call it that but I pull away
I get in his car and think I'm going to throw up I don't understand why I wanna escape
Forced to be friends by mutual acuteness I continue on as though nothing is wrong

Till I'm sitting in class three months later its the third week of December and my teacher announces we're going to talk about consent and **** culture I'm excited to learn but saddened by the statistics 1 in 4 girls will be sexually assaulted 1 in 4 I sit in a group of 5 four being female and I think to my self one of us will be sexually assaulted that's so sad then its like I hit a brick wall and light has gone off  I've become a statistic

Three months later its all making sense how could I have not known it was improper concent I don't know if I should be happy or sad I understand the way I've been feeling but how could this have happened to me. I want to leave class but can't draw attention no one can know this new intervention I need to yell I wanna scream but I stay silent.

I call a trusted friend the only one out of about 10 who thought what happened wasn't okay and I'm really not sure what to say but I need to talk I need to tell someone who knows me well.

I move on not thinking about that night I tell a couple friends but nothing that helps me mend I'm not really sure what to do but not thinking about it makes me less blue. I think I've moved on till a couple months later when I find out he's done it again I'm not sure what to say and I feel a lot of guilt If I could have tuffined up  and spoken out about me maybe then this wouldn't be. I tell her I'm sorry and I understand we talk and try to help each other mend I play mine off like it really wasn't that bad maybe it's not what I thought it was. She tells more people word gets around so why are my friends still hanging around they don't know about me but they know what he's done they choose not to believe and it hurts a tone.

Time heals all wounds I've heard so I'm still waiting for the wound to mend I've stayed silent and haven't spoken out I want to tell my friends and I want to shout I don't know what to say and they probably won't believe me anyway. I don't understand why I want to protect him how ****** is that. I finally tell a grown up and I know there their there to talk they give me some options but I feel its too late now what he did was wrong and I'm not sure if he knows that but its been 6 months since that day Most days I'm okay I'm  living life happily but sometimes it still saddens me. Everyday is a step further away and I'm not going to let his actions define me this may be one of the hardest things I ever do but
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