When I talk to mama
At night she's been drinking
There is a solemn quiet feeling
She's gotten herself out of the house
Already


I'm glad
I want to see things move on
She calls my dad's new lover
A *****
Nothing but a *****


I think of her there
In a new house
From one big house to another
And I think of that missing piece
It's like she would have handed my father the phone
But he isn't there to answer
Laugh in the background
Call out like he would have
And it's not because he has passed
It's because he has chosen not to be there.

It hits me like a deep cut
So I don't think or talk about it often
As it haunts me like the fear
Of longevity, marriage, aging, failing
It's almost like mama wishes she had
Something or someone to offer up
And I wish I did too
But there is just quiet
Noise.

Tears don't escape me about it often
I went on dates with boys after it first happened
And told them all about it
Perhaps hoping for a deep sympathy
And feeling hurt when things didn't last
Like I had shared a part of myself with them.

Because I did.

My eyes drift and close
You never think that your parents might choose
To not choose one another
And you just have to hope
You just have to hope that everyone can find
Their peace
Their bliss.