Here I am laying, filling my head At 3 A.M rerunning every word I have said I suppose my tears are the blood from my soul Happy or sad it overflows out of me and I can’t seem to feel whole I don’t want to die anymore because things aren’t too bad But I’m tired constantly and I miss my mom and dad That’s the thing about being an adult You make the tough decisions yourself and if they’re wrong it’s your fault You choose right from wrong and no one is there to tell you otherwise No one is there to catch you in your lies or wipe the stream of tears from your eyes Momma isn’t there to hold your hair when you ***** Daddy isn’t there to point to the sky at the comets It’s more like a hollow and dark lonely place Days feel like years yet weeks seem to race I suppose we take for granted our youthful state We don’t know what we have until it’s a little too late I’d give anything to go back to a day before loans Spend a day with my family before I wanted to become skin and bones Give my brother a hug and tell him I care Tell my father that the things he calls my mother are wrong and unfair Play with my dog before the cancer took him away Show up to work with enthusiasm as though it was my first day See my town like I did through an adolescent lens Bike through my neighborhood to the house that once was my friend’s Run in the yard and climb that one crooked tree Relive the trip to the forest that ended with bees Laugh at myself when I fell off my bike Not take myself so seriously and be willing to admit who’s right Tell my sister “thank you” for yelling at me to not speak English She kept me fluent and that was her wish Go trick or treating from door to door “Here’s some candy, would you like some more?” My eyes fill with liquid nostalgia as they sparkle and close My head bobs and nods as I catch it then doze I miss the world before it got complex Before I had to worry about what came next I’d live for a day at the age of ten Before things began to hurt and I was mistreated by men I’d watch the stars with Jessica and talk about life I’d give her a hug after a sleepover and get back on my bike Pedaling home in the cool fall breeze Everything was simpler back then and I took it for granted with ease I wish to go back to a time almost half my life ago I wake from my sleep to realize it can't be so