"If my life were a movie?
Oh, there would be a lot of montages because maybe I'd get things done faster that way.
I don't think I could be an actor however.
I'm clever enough to make it but too honest to fake it.
Take it or leave it.
I'm just a writer.
Or at least that's what I wrote on the form when they tried to admit me.
And those ******* told me I was crazy.
But you told me I'm golden.
Which got me thinking.
And I thought,
'I do have a problem,'
I thought,
'I think I think too much.'
No, don't touch that remote this show is a classic.
Oh ****, if my life were a T.V. show?
Well, it would obviously be a dramatic comedy.
Because I'm emotionally unstable and ******* hilarious.
But that would never happen because everyone thinks I'm crazy.
Which is funny because I was crazy once.
And those ******* put me in a small dark room infested with rats.
Which is funny because I hate rats.
They drive me crazy."