how do I say this

1. I wish I matched my reputation
maybe then this wouldn't sting so ******* bad
I spit at the word "darling" when I read it
and I can't tell you how worthless I felt describing dancing barefoot over concrete in the rain when I found out you already had a ***** on standby

2. you and I know a lot can happen in 24 hours
like you can let someone inside of you and blame it on me not loving you the right way
and I can cry over the way you spelled "future" like "temporary"
and how I already know too ******* much about that
and so I sort you into a pile with my dead mom and my daughter I'll never get to meet
and everything else that didn't last - like my clean date, our anniversary, the way you said "I love you", or my ******* name

3. you still think I wasn't serious
if a baby is what will make you want me
and you can name her after what it feels like to love something for once