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Sep 2018
When he leaves, there will be a lump in your throat
His footsteps will be louder than it’s supposed to be

You will watch him walk away and you will want to run after him and try to make it work
But don’t
His prints will leave marks like how it would on an ocean kissed shore
You will cry, or maybe not, but you will be able to think of nothing else but the fact that it ended
The entire two years you’ve spent together will flash before your tightly shut eyes and you will beg to fall asleep but couldn’t
Like that time you drank 3 cups of coffee, 2 kopikos, and 1 booster C
Your body will refuse to shut down, you will feel your heart beat towards its death, and you will wait in pain because there is nothing else you can do
You will wake up, look in the mirror and see every single thing that is supposedly wrong with you
Call your friends up, invite them over
Melt into their arms, cry and eat at the same time, do not be afraid to look broken, because you are
Even birds break their wings, it’s okay to not fly for a while

After a few days, weeks, months, you will pat yourself at the back and say you’ve moved on
Your lips will learn how to curve itself upward again and you will make the corniest of jokes
A song will play and the tape that plastered your world back together will surrender to the weight of your heart
Your eyes will shimmer but this time not from the light within
But from the fluorescent lamps that bounced from your tear glossed eyes that is trying its best to just get through the night
Life will teach you a new lesson and it is that moving on isn’t linear
It is not like going through school, where every grade you surpass advances you to the next
There will be days that you will regress
Days where you will stalk him on Facebook and see if he’s doing any better
And it will seem like he is and that will break you more
You will doubt if your love was ever real, if you were ever good enough, and if yes, why couldn’t it just be you?

If he calls,
Say hi
Do not tell him when you’re not okay
He is not home anymore
Do not tell him you miss him
Like it was a rewind button for life
It is not

You will look for affirmation everywhere, anywhere really
But like all wounds, it will heal
It will leave a mark and you will put fences up
Make sure to pound them in real deep
Not to isolate yourself from the world, but to keep the weak out
Plant flowers around it and take a walk regularly
You are not a prisoner of your past
Feel the pain and ask it how it is
Don’t ever wish for the same love
But love harder
Because sometimes, people don’t know how to
Show them
Abby Elbambo
Written by
Abby Elbambo  Qatar/Philippines
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