I keep remembering things I never told you
Because I forgot or didn’t have time to
I can feel my face twitching to try
And whisper the right words
Back through time

I’m writing lists, endless lists
Of everything I’d say
And then I edit it, endlessly
As if cutting it down to the core
Will make my request to reverse reality any more reasonable

There’s so much I missed out on
And I notice new things everyday
Because you cast too lasting a shadow
Grief is like drinking and drowning in bleach,
So I must mourn you in monochrome  


I can’t believe you knew
How much you meant to me
You were my idol
What you did to yourself was blasphemy
So why couldn’t you see?

I just can’t help but think,
If I’d found the right words
If I’d have been brave enough to tell you
That you’d still be here
For me to hear

I hope,
at least
You left a little beauty in my body
So I can let you have it all back
If you’ll just come and claim it


Delusional, not that I could ever talk to you again
But that I’d have something to say
That would make you stay
If I couldn’t even communicate before I knew
How much it mattered

I Just just wished you’d kissed me goodbye,
So some of you lingered on my lips
And so you’d have known how I felt
And about all the things I could only express in your embrace
Because nothing out of my mouth could mean as much
As having you in it