I keep waking up and all I see are dark days and dark skies
But with every passing week, the days stay dark
With every passing hour, my mood stays the same
Sad mornings filled with fears
Sad nights full of tears
Nothing but sad days
And every day the same

Wake up,
Cry,
Sleep.
On repeat
Every single godforsaken day.

And every single day
I think of ways this could end.
Dying and completely forgetting it all.
Because they say there is no darkness in heaven.
That every good soul will rejoice and feel pain no more.
But if I wasn't good, will my pain still disappear?
If my life on Earth was full of sin, could I still treasure the peace in dying?

I'm told, "there's so much to live for."
But with everything I love gone, what is there to live for?
No love.
No desire to hold onto.
So why?
Why fight this battle that's been going on for 18 exhausting years?