i fell in love with an idiot who didn't.
and it wasn't the first time,
and it probably won't be the last time,
no matter how hard i try.
he broke my heart
and i couldn't talk about it
because he was our friend.
and you don't fall in love with your friends.
it hurt so much
to feel so strongly and stay so silent.
drunk kisses are all fun and games until you never address them in the morning, and you sit across from him at lunch and in the library, and you stand next to each other at basketball games and museum exhibits, and you pretend you don't spend the night in each other's rooms in a different way than you do with all your other friends.
and i fell in love
and we still went home from parties together
and i knew i should stop
because he didn't care about me like that
and then i realized he didn't really care about me at all
and our friendship wasn't really real anymore
and everything hurt
because i was still in love
and my hopes were so high
and i couldn't bring them down or cut the cord.
over and over again
i read into things that he didn't think about
and i guess i broke my own heart,
if you think about it,
but it feels better to blame him.
right now i'm in the part of the cycle
where i don't think about him,
or if i do,
it's only like 12% sadness and 88% hatred.
right now, i'm good. i'm healing.
and it's only a matter of time,
no matter how hard i try,
only a matter of time.